Understanding and Overcoming Depression
Do I have Depression?
Many people feel depressed at one time or another. Symptoms include:
- Change in sleep patterns
- Change in appetite
- Lack of motivation or interest in things
- Irritability
- Worry
- Hopelessness
- Sadness
- Crying
- Feeling blah/empty
- Feeling lonely/isolating
Causes
Depression is usually brought on by external factors like losses. This can be obvious like losing a lover or a job. But it may be less obvious like losing self-esteem when you have a setback. For many there is no one thing, but a series of difficult events. For some, a chemical imbalance causes the same symptoms. For a lot of us, the decrease in light during the winter months brings on Seasonal Affective Disorder - which is a form of depression.
Taking Care of Yourself
- Give yourself permission to feel sad. By allowing space for depression, it may go away on its own.
- Give yourself permission to say no to activities that drain you.
- Honor rituals and routines that are personally meaningful for you. Familiarity and consistency can help (even though you may want to do nothing).
- Identify people who are supportive and caring, and connect with them.
- Identify areas of life that are stressful, and develop strategies to minimize or avoid them.
- Take care of your body by eating nutritious foods and getting regular exercise (which can also lift your mood).
- If you think you have Seasonal Affective Disorder you can purchase "FullSpectrum" light bulbs at many hardware stores and use them instead of regular light bulbs.
- Find ways to give that make you feel good in turn. Knowing you are making a difference in someone else's life can be very affirming. This may involve serving others at a soup kitchen, visiting with the elderly or using a special talent you have to help others.
- Some people find relief from anti-depressants. Ask your doctor for information or a referral to a qualified psychiatrist.
- Give yourself the gift of counseling. It is healing to talk with someone who can help you feel heard and understood without judgment.
Opposite Action
When you feel depressed, it can be like looking at the world through a distorted lens. Problems seem bigger. It's hard to see the good things. You may feel lonely, but dread being with others. It helps to remind yourself these are distortions, even though they feel real.
One great way to break through the distortion is by doing the opposite of what the depression is "telling" you to do. For example, if you feel stuck, get moving. Go for a walk, do jumping jacks. Plant something. If you feel like isolating, make plans to be with people you like. Often when people have "the blues" they feel like listening to the blues. Do the opposite and see what happens. Listen to music that is uplifting, energetic and see if you feel better.
Positive Self-Talk
The voice of depression is very critical and bad for self-esteem. It says things like: "This is hopeless; I can't manage; It will never get better; this is too hard; nobody will want to be with me..." When you find depression whispering these kinds of things in your ear, tell it to stop. Remind yourself that this is not your true self talking. It is depression.
Tell Depression the Truth
"This feels bad, but all things pass. I don't like this, but I can handle it. Everything changes, so this will too. I can't predict the future. Some people may not want to be with me, but there are people who like being with me. It's okay to show them my sadness and even ask for support. Lots of people like knowing they can be there for someone else. It makes them feel valued and connected..."
Positive Coping Skills
There are three kinds of coping skills, positive, negative and neutral. Negative coping skills are things we do to alleviate bad feelings, but that make things worse in the long run. Drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling, eating junk food and vegging in front of the TV for hours or days are examples. In the moment, they make you feel better. In the long run, they make you feel worse.
Neutral coping skills distract you from bad feelings, but don't do anything to change things. You may clean your house or do a project and feel a little better while you're busy. But when you stop, the bad feelings return. Neutral coping skills are effective when you can't change things, but still need a "vacation" from feeling bad.
Positive coping skills actually change things - when possible. When you stand up for yourself, ask for help, work toward a goal, you are using positive coping skills to change things externally. When you use positive self-talk, exercise, attend support groups, read about self-care or connect spiritually, you are using positive coping skills to make internal changes.
Healing your Relationship with Yourself
The key to all of this is treating yourself with kindness, compassion and love. Depression is most often a sign that your relationship with yourself is in trouble. You may feel shame, guilt or somehow "not good enough." Remind yourself that life is not a competition. Your worth and lovability isn't contingent on anything. Heal the pain of this shame by behaving in ways that show self-love and self-respect. Refuse to be mean to yourself or accept meanness from others. Practice RADICAL self-acceptance. When you do this over time, your feelings will change too.
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